Man, how I long for the days when Brooklyn used to conjure up images for me of the Dodgers, pizza, and mobsters. Now, when I hear Brooklyn, all I can think of is, “Did Joey Lynn sleep with Roberto?” Apparently it is the ONLY thing that the residents of 11223 (under the age of 25) talk about EVER. And you know what? I am kind of curious too.
The season finale begins with Christie’s crew eating pizza. Surprise. Angelina is all, I want Joey Lynn to tell the truth. Which, of course, no one knows! They rehash the infamous incident that took part on July 4th weekend of some year past. Apparently someone told Christie that Joey Lynn, Cassie, and Roberto were in a room together. Hey, they could have been playing Uno! Roberto confessed to Christie that they all hooked up and said it was Joey Lynn who started it. Joey Lynn, however, has always denied it. So who knows WHAT the truth is.
Christie’s boyfriend Matthew meets up with his twin brother John at an automotive shop, not be confused with the glass shop. Matthew is all, I want to experience the single life, Christie’s a hypochondriac, my goal is to be going four nights a week without Christie by the end of the summer. Gee, that’s a lot of going out! Don’t you have a job??? You drive a pretty nice car so I would hope so.
Meanwhile, Christie and Carla walk around Coney Island. Hypochondriac Christie whines about her hip. Carla mentions that Joey Lynn met up with her and denied that she ever slept with Roberto. Christie’s all, Why didn’t she talk to me? Good question.
Meanwhile, Joey Lynn is back at her apartment watching her mom cook. Her mom provides some important insight into Joey Lynn’s life: Her father was murdered before she was born, she never got to meet him and so it still weighs heavily on her even though she always puts up a tough front. Joey Lynn’s mom wants her to meet a nice man and move out of Brooklyn. Joey gets upset and leaves the room.
Christie and Matthew meet up for dinner at a restaurant. Christie says the food looks delicious but she’s not hungry. Is her ulcer back??? I’d kill to have that meal. Matt mentions that he wants to go to Miami with his friends . . . without Christie. Christie’s all, Why would you want to do that? You’d have a better time with me there. He’s all, Not really! He remarks to the camera that he is not married but Christie acts like they are. Christie then threatens that if goes to Miami she may not be here when he gets back. She gets up and leaves the restaurant. I’m all, Run, Matthew, run! Here is your opportunity to escape!
Christie meets her cousin Jackie at a diner because Jackie has some dirt. She had spoken to Cassie, the third girl in the Joey Lynn/Roberto triangle. According to Cassie, Joey Lynn knows what she did. Which, according to Cassie, is make out with Roberto the night of the 4th of July, and then there were several other hookups with the three of them AFTER that weekend. Oh, snap! This is all Christie needs to write Joey Lynn off forever. Not sure why she takes the word of Cassie over her former best friend but what do I know?
Because it’s been way too long, we stop at the glass shop where Chris moans how all the girls stop by to complain about each other. Mayor Nicky decides to settle the drama once and for all, so he invites BOTH crews to a party at a bar where he will “reveal some big news.” AKA, not show up and let them fend for themselves. Angelina is especially excited because it will be open bar!
As Angelina and company get ready for the party, Christie reveals that she and Matthew are taking a break. No one is surprised. Joey Lynn’s crew, meanwhile, is prepping for the shindig at Amanda’s house. No one knows what the big news will be but hey, there will be free booze so who cares! Amanda, who does seem like the sharpest of the bunch, suspects that Christie’s gang will be there.
Christie’s crew arrives first at the party. Nick is not there, but true to his word the alcohol is free so they all take shots! Then Joey Lynn appears with her group. Joey Lynn says hi to Toni Lynn. Everyone is united in being pissed at Nick, who has not yet shown up to the bar.
Angelina immediately starts talking sh—from across the bar. She remarks that the pigpen broke loose, and that Joey Lynn is the biggest pig of them all. Of course in that moment, she’s the only one who comes off like a pig.
As the fight breaks down, Christie and Joey Lynn FINALLY confront each other. Stop the presses! Christie insists that she wants the truth. Joey Lynn points out that no matter what she says, Christie will believe what she wants. And then . . . Joey Lynn admits to kissing Roberto on that fateful night years ago. Whaaaa? Even I am a little shocked. Not that I’m on Team Joey Lynn or anything... Christie asks her about the other four nights that they all allegedly hooked up. Joey Lynn denies them, saying she ONLY kissed Roberto on that one night. Christie is devastated and says she can never trust Joey Lynn again. Well, how is that any different than the past few years? It’s time to move on Christie.
The show concludes and we are left with updates of where everyone is now . . . and it is pretty much exactly at the same place as they were before. I do like these people though, and now that Matthew is single maybe he will take me on his jet ski? A girl can wish!
Yours in crime—
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